thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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