I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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