I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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