We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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