At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
