Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
