Just cropdusted the office
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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