Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
