From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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