He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
