You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
