I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
