why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That's when you crack a 10am beer
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
