My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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