we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
