VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
