How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
