drinking out of a sandbucket again
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
