I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
