I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
