Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
