I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
