One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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