Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
