How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
