If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
