He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
