So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
