He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
