My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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