She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
