I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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