Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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