Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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