Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My ass is underappreciated
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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