oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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