i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
