fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
