he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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