I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
