I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
