All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
