No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
