I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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