the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
