I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
