im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
