feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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