He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
