Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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